Breaking the Silence

Hope after Miscarriage and Early Pregnancy Loss

I wake in the middle of the night, the room is filled with silence. My arms ache to embrace the baby I no longer carry in my womb.  The tears stream endlessly down my checks.  My arms wrapped tight around my body, yearning for the presence of life.

The questions begin to flow. Why did this happen to me?  What did I do wrong?  Am I being punished for a sin I once committed?  Why is my womb left empty and my life so bleak?  How do I escape this emotional nightmare and the sea of this emotional wrath? I am left alone to experience the twists and turns, highs and lows of this silent grief.  Loneliness seems to be devouring my life. 

This was my emotional story three years ago after the loss of my third pregnancy.  An emotional drowning that I did not feel I would ever escape.  Time has brought acceptance.  The birth of our two children has been my saving grace.  I am writing to break the silence in regards to the grief we as grieving parents carry so silently.  As a grieving mother, I embrace the spiritual presence of the three babies who are no longer with us physically.  Together, we can celebrate and acknowledge the blessing of the short-lived life that grew within us.

Approximately twenty percent of all pregnancies will end by miscarriage, an astounding rate.  Yet when it happens to you, you feel so alone, as if you are the only person in the world who has ever experienced the loss of your unborn child.  We live in a society that often disregards our loss, and because of that, we grieve silently.

My goal is to bring awareness to our society through understanding our mourning.  To allow grieving parents the comfort and the acknowledgment of the short lived life we were blessed with.  As grieving parents, we need to collaborate with other parents who have experienced a similar loss.  I encourage you to seek the resources you need to bring forth healing physically and emotionally.  There are a variety of resources you can seek through your medical provider, mental health providers, your spiritual community, miscarriage and loss support groups, books, internet forums and many others.  Break the silence, do not grieve alone, seek the resources you need to allow healing to begin.

Blessings,

Audrey McDonald Carney, LPC

Author of:  Holding on to Faith, Hope after Miscarriage and Loss

book_faith@yahoo.com